Title Fail

If you know me, you probably know that I bite my nails. Well, actually... I chew on them like they're made of sugar mice. My stepmum has lived with me for about eight or nine years. She booked me a manicure.

First I was like 'Whaaat you retard', but it made me stop biting them, and now they look all pretty and black.....

I'm not emo.

It made me late for meeting up with J though, so we didn't have as much time as we wanted in Swindon. We went to BB's and I got this bacon wrap thing, which turned out to be the most disgusting thing I've ever put in my mouth (true story). Fortunatley I had my Britpop magazine with me, so me and J just sat in awe of how pretty and talented Blur are.

Gawsh....
They really are pretty...(I was going to embed a picture of them but my computer is died)

Also today, I put my knickers on back to front. Luckily they are boxer types so it didnt made much difference apart from I had a pocket at the front rather than the back.

This was an accidental incident by the way. I only noticed when I saw the label sticking out the front.

Twang-Overdrive-Feedback

My stepmum just informed me that she and my Dad are going out for the evening.
This means I have the house to myself (except for my sister, but that's nothing a wedgie can't fix).

I think I'll annoy the neighbours by making random and very loud noises on my guitar.

I have perfected 50% of Trimm Trabb by Blur.
I have perfected 25% of Paranoid Android by Radiohead.
I have completed 20% of my biology homework.
I have completed 0% of my english language homework.

Oh darn.

Newsflash

My Dad thinks I'm a retard.

Despite the fact I passed my biology exam (well, I did shite but hey, a pass is a pass) he remains skeptical about my ability to get higher than a C. I pointed out to him that I haven't actually had a decent crack at the exam yet. The first time I took it in January, I completely failed it with a handful of others in my class because I didn't bother to revise at all.
The second time I didn't revise a week before both of my biology exams because I went on holiday. I took my books and even managed to read a couple of pages before I fell asleep next to my pink umbrella lemonade. Have you ever tried revising on holiday? It's harder than the fucking exam. So because of that, I passed it, but only just.

This time I am determined to pass with a decent grade, I'm positive I can get a B if not an A if I really push myself. But my Dad reckons I should consider continuing with Art, since I have a better shot at getting a decent grade. Which is true, I got a C without even trying. But I can't stand how rigid it is. And anyway, I'll only get a B at best even if i draw my knickers off, and if I'm going to put myself through a year of art I'd rather get an A.

So I'm pretty sure I want to do biology this year, just to show my parents that I'm not a complete sock head.

Comments please xxx

The Good, The Not-So-Bad and The E

I just got my AS-Level results.
I passed everything. The intensity of the flying colours varied...

I will have retake Biology again...again...

So screw you idiots with your AAAB and your 'Oh, GOD a B the shame, the shame...'
Go play in traffic.

I Are Fearless

Today is the 10th August. That means it is my birthday. It is 12:03, which means you have 11 hours and 57 minutes to send me a birthday text, before I hate you forever.

My dearest bearded pally J was the first to send me a most splendiferous text this morning. I luff her forever. I might luff you a bit more if you bothered to acknowledge the fact that 17 yeas ago today I made the world a better place just by being forced through a vagina.

Appreciation for the Female Form

I get called a lesbian a lot. I never really understood why.

But I suddenly remembered an occurrence upon reading J's blog. It was when we were having our 'social gathering' a few fridays back, when E got out his pack of cards that had naked ladies on them:

J shows me a card

J: Is she hot?

Me: God yeah!

J: ...?

Me: Err... I mean... I don't know...

Hmm.... The light has been shed.

Please believe me, I am as straight as a ruler. The thought of kissing another girl actually makes me feel a bit gross (sorry boys). Oh put your knickers away, I'm not being a homophobe. For me, girls are great mates and the version of people I can be totally me around. I can talk about anything to my best girl mates, because I know they understand what I'm on about.

I don't really trust guys so much. Don't get me wrong, most of them are really amazing and funny, and I am perfectly capable of talking for hours about shit to them.

But some of them really piss me off. Some of them just hang around, using you as a fence post until they get what they want from someone else, then they forget you were ever friends.

Fuck you then.

Honey, I'm home

I have found new love in the form of Florence + The Machine.

My sister recently bought their album from iTunes, so weirdly, she decided to burn me a copy. Which was odd, because I can't see how that benefitted her in any way.

Anyway, the album is completely flawless, and while I always thought I would never be into that sort of thing and kind of dismissed them as mainstream and overrated, when in actual fact they are the complete opposite of what I expected. Which makes them bloody brilliant.

J and Me have been meaning to blog on the events of last weekend, which was a bunch of larks to say the least. But I'm not sure I remember exactly what happened. I have loads of 'episodes' in my head, but I'm not sure what order they go in, or what they mean. Maybe I will write a list (SMBx will be so proud):

1. Laughing at a big clock. That's CLOCK J okay? Clock. With an 'L'.

2. Attempting to watch 28 Days Later but knowing that I was instantly forgetting everything. It was a very surreal experience. I remember a monkey. And a naked man.

3. A snake.

4. Lying in the middle of the road looking at the stars. I like that part. But I'm worried that I may have been in my pajamas. Which is bordering ridiculous.

5. Eating a biscuit and being like 'am I eating this biscuit? Or is the universe making me think I am?...Or something...'

6. Laughing at J's expression when she tried tequila and some random fruit juice. Like, orange and guava and passion fruit or something skank.

7. laughing at this chair that kept spinning around of its own accord every time I sat in it.

8. Laughing. ALOT.

9. Near the end of the night, the host taking me aside (he was sober) and saying 'listen to me, J has been in the bathroom for God knows how long, B is outside on his hands and knees if people are going to throw up on me, I can't handle it, you have to stay awake with me. I'll freak out.' And I was all 'Oh for fuck's sake you pussy'.

And I've to end that list on a 9. Because I like to piss off foreigners (yes, I mean you, you Danish outcast).

In other news, tomorrow J is taking me to the Lake District. Which means I wont be blogging for a long time. I might post another one later, because I luff you all so much (especially my leedle weasel SBHx and my biatch L).

Peace out, whores x.