No one has ever said these things to me before.
I know it didn't matter.
I know it makes me happier than ever.
I don't really understand it,
But I don't think I have to.
Just knowing it and feeling it is enough for me.
I hope this lasts forever.
X
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
Friday, 28 January 2011
'The secret ingredient is crime...'
Last night I really couldn't sleep.
This week Max and I have agreed to have a 'sober' week, seeing as we've been drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol recently. I couldn't remember the last time I hadn't woken up dizzy and still slightly drunk. Which is my version of a hangover.
But so far we've managed four days. Unless you count a pint of cider last night. But come on, that was nothing. I was still technically sober.
One of the more unfortunate side effects of going to bed drunk every night is that I now have trouble getting to sleep without it. I have trouble sleeping when there is someone else in the bed anyway, but I thought I was getting over that. But last night proved otherwise. I felt tired, but I just couldn't get comfortable, the irks were on my mind. After about half an hour of me sighing and rolling over every five seconds, Max got up and said he was going downstairs; he knows I can't sleep well when he's in the bed, I think he feels guilt for it. I convinced him to stay, I don't like sleeping alone any more. So he got back into bed, but after another half an hour, I still couldn't sleep, and I was starting to feel anxious because I knew Max had to get up early the next day for a lecture. So I just said, 'Max, I can't sleep'. Which was enough. He got up and went downstairs, leaving with slightly more of a cold shoulder than I would've liked, but I get it. I'm not sure if he was upset about that. The bad thing is a small part of me hopes that I did hurt him a bit by doing that. It makes me feel more in control after the whole cheating thing. I'll get to that later, or maybe in a different post.
After another hourish I gave up and ended up making crumpets and watching Peep Show until about four in the morning. I woke up at about 10:45 because I got a call from Max. He asked me to let him in. I did and then went back to my room and got back into bed without saying anything. He came and lay next to me. He smelt really nice and he held my hand.
I can't drink tonight, so the plan is to try and get a start on some coursework, but I'm not sure how well that will go. I think I'll do a bit, then make some pasta, then do a bit more. That'll do for today.
Tomorrow I can finally get trashed. I know what some people may think about that. What else am I supposed to do? I'm eighteen, it's what I do. I do the University stuff, I eat very little, I get gattered, and I have sex.
LIKE A BOSS
This week Max and I have agreed to have a 'sober' week, seeing as we've been drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol recently. I couldn't remember the last time I hadn't woken up dizzy and still slightly drunk. Which is my version of a hangover.
But so far we've managed four days. Unless you count a pint of cider last night. But come on, that was nothing. I was still technically sober.
One of the more unfortunate side effects of going to bed drunk every night is that I now have trouble getting to sleep without it. I have trouble sleeping when there is someone else in the bed anyway, but I thought I was getting over that. But last night proved otherwise. I felt tired, but I just couldn't get comfortable, the irks were on my mind. After about half an hour of me sighing and rolling over every five seconds, Max got up and said he was going downstairs; he knows I can't sleep well when he's in the bed, I think he feels guilt for it. I convinced him to stay, I don't like sleeping alone any more. So he got back into bed, but after another half an hour, I still couldn't sleep, and I was starting to feel anxious because I knew Max had to get up early the next day for a lecture. So I just said, 'Max, I can't sleep'. Which was enough. He got up and went downstairs, leaving with slightly more of a cold shoulder than I would've liked, but I get it. I'm not sure if he was upset about that. The bad thing is a small part of me hopes that I did hurt him a bit by doing that. It makes me feel more in control after the whole cheating thing. I'll get to that later, or maybe in a different post.
After another hourish I gave up and ended up making crumpets and watching Peep Show until about four in the morning. I woke up at about 10:45 because I got a call from Max. He asked me to let him in. I did and then went back to my room and got back into bed without saying anything. He came and lay next to me. He smelt really nice and he held my hand.
I can't drink tonight, so the plan is to try and get a start on some coursework, but I'm not sure how well that will go. I think I'll do a bit, then make some pasta, then do a bit more. That'll do for today.
Tomorrow I can finally get trashed. I know what some people may think about that. What else am I supposed to do? I'm eighteen, it's what I do. I do the University stuff, I eat very little, I get gattered, and I have sex.
LIKE A BOSS
Tuesday, 18 January 2011
Irks
1. I got a call from my Dad asking me if I've sent a birthday card to my stepmum. I said no. And I'm not planning to. He said why, I said because I hate her. She constantly bullies my sister and I can't understand how he can't notice it. Not one person in our family likes her. She is a pathetic excuse for a parent, and certainly no replacement. He shouted at me a lot and called me selfish. I shouted back that it was ironic he was calling me selfish when he was the one who couldn't see how unhappy his own daughter is, and maybe if he stopped calling her names all the time it might cheer her up.
2. I lost my best friend. He didn't die or anything, but in a way I suppose that wouldn't be as painful. At least he would still want to be my friend.
3. I'm in love. I've wanted to tell him for ages now. But I was scared he wouldn't like it because I know he was in love with his ex-girlfriend. But last night he said it to me. And then he told me to forget he'd said it. I said how could I forget something like that, that's the best thing anyone has ever told me. I was feeling so happy. But then he asked me if he could talk to me in private. I said okay, and he took me to his room, and told me he cheated on me. Now I don't know what to do with myself.
2. I lost my best friend. He didn't die or anything, but in a way I suppose that wouldn't be as painful. At least he would still want to be my friend.
3. I'm in love. I've wanted to tell him for ages now. But I was scared he wouldn't like it because I know he was in love with his ex-girlfriend. But last night he said it to me. And then he told me to forget he'd said it. I said how could I forget something like that, that's the best thing anyone has ever told me. I was feeling so happy. But then he asked me if he could talk to me in private. I said okay, and he took me to his room, and told me he cheated on me. Now I don't know what to do with myself.
Monday, 13 December 2010
Flutter By
So, you know
When you read all that bullshit in trashy romance novels about spinning heads, shortness of breath and butterflies in your stomach when you kiss that one person who, with just a look, can make you feel like your heart is wearing a big furry coat. Or can make concentrating on anything but them very, very difficult indeed. Or can make your day a whole lot better just because they're sitting there. But not because of any amazing reason in particular; just because they are that person. Just because they are that person is enough to baffle you into wanting to hold their hand forever.
You know the bullshit I mean?
Yeah, turns out; it's only like, 40% bullshit.
The rest is pretty accurate.
When you read all that bullshit in trashy romance novels about spinning heads, shortness of breath and butterflies in your stomach when you kiss that one person who, with just a look, can make you feel like your heart is wearing a big furry coat. Or can make concentrating on anything but them very, very difficult indeed. Or can make your day a whole lot better just because they're sitting there. But not because of any amazing reason in particular; just because they are that person. Just because they are that person is enough to baffle you into wanting to hold their hand forever.
You know the bullshit I mean?
Yeah, turns out; it's only like, 40% bullshit.
The rest is pretty accurate.
Friday, 26 November 2010
Gushings
The past week has led me to question my relationship with alcohol.
I mean, obviously I'm not giving it up. That would be insane.
But I really must learn to control myself. I'm not exactly what you call a heavy weight, three Strongbows will see me pretty friendly. Which is perhaps one of the downsides, the friendliness. It has lead me to regret a few things to say the least. It has definitely made looking certain people in the eye an awkward event.
Anyway, I made the mistake of forgetting to re-read my last post, so I have no idea where I was on introductions, but I'm pretty sure I was just going to carry on with the flat below.
So we have Emily, Sarah, Helena, Rebecca, Robert and Max.
Most of them are very beautiful people, the only ones which I would say are perhaps a slight exception would be Rebecca and Rob. Mostly with Rebecca it's the general lack of personal hygiene and respect of other people's personal space. Not a great combo. (Also it is the ridiculous way she insists on spelling her name: 'Rebekah', I mean, really?)
And Rob, well... It's quite difficult to put into words how bizarre and annoying and sometimes actually a bit scary he is. He apparently has a form of Asperges, but recently he has been claiming that he 'gave himself Asperges', so most of his sympathy points have evaporated right there.
Anyway, to the beautiful people.
Sarah is just a purely lovely person. She is painfully funny, and has a great sense of fashion, plus a great taste in music. She is maybe my favorite person here, but it's a close call. What I like about her is her sincerity. She truly seems to care about people, and if I ever feel I need to talk to someone I know she'll be there.
Emily is a bit like Andrew, always full of energy, always laughing, which is probably why they're going out. I think she's been having a bit of a tough time recently, but she won't tell. Despite this, she is brilliant at lifting the mood. She is very pretty in an effortless kind of way, and she, like Sarah, is always there if I need her.
Helena is Spanish, and unspeakably beautiful. She is kind of quiet, but at the same time very lively. You can't help but notice her. Her English is very good, but she still has a very thick accent, and she is constantly writing down English terms of phrase to learn on sticky notes. Then she practices them with an excellent amount of enthusiasm. It is really very sweet.
Max, like Sarah, is one of the few genuinely lovely people I have met. At the moment, I think he has a lot on his mind. Which is not convenient for him, because he really takes things to heart. But whenever I see him upset it just breaks my heart. He tends to over analyse and worry about things more than the average person. I mean he practically had a nervous breakdown when he got a nosebleed, because he'd never had one before. He's very funny, and very sweet, and if you haven't picked it up yet, I fancy the pants off him.
PEACE!
I mean, obviously I'm not giving it up. That would be insane.
But I really must learn to control myself. I'm not exactly what you call a heavy weight, three Strongbows will see me pretty friendly. Which is perhaps one of the downsides, the friendliness. It has lead me to regret a few things to say the least. It has definitely made looking certain people in the eye an awkward event.
Anyway, I made the mistake of forgetting to re-read my last post, so I have no idea where I was on introductions, but I'm pretty sure I was just going to carry on with the flat below.
So we have Emily, Sarah, Helena, Rebecca, Robert and Max.
Most of them are very beautiful people, the only ones which I would say are perhaps a slight exception would be Rebecca and Rob. Mostly with Rebecca it's the general lack of personal hygiene and respect of other people's personal space. Not a great combo. (Also it is the ridiculous way she insists on spelling her name: 'Rebekah', I mean, really?)
And Rob, well... It's quite difficult to put into words how bizarre and annoying and sometimes actually a bit scary he is. He apparently has a form of Asperges, but recently he has been claiming that he 'gave himself Asperges', so most of his sympathy points have evaporated right there.
Anyway, to the beautiful people.
Sarah is just a purely lovely person. She is painfully funny, and has a great sense of fashion, plus a great taste in music. She is maybe my favorite person here, but it's a close call. What I like about her is her sincerity. She truly seems to care about people, and if I ever feel I need to talk to someone I know she'll be there.
Emily is a bit like Andrew, always full of energy, always laughing, which is probably why they're going out. I think she's been having a bit of a tough time recently, but she won't tell. Despite this, she is brilliant at lifting the mood. She is very pretty in an effortless kind of way, and she, like Sarah, is always there if I need her.
Helena is Spanish, and unspeakably beautiful. She is kind of quiet, but at the same time very lively. You can't help but notice her. Her English is very good, but she still has a very thick accent, and she is constantly writing down English terms of phrase to learn on sticky notes. Then she practices them with an excellent amount of enthusiasm. It is really very sweet.
Max, like Sarah, is one of the few genuinely lovely people I have met. At the moment, I think he has a lot on his mind. Which is not convenient for him, because he really takes things to heart. But whenever I see him upset it just breaks my heart. He tends to over analyse and worry about things more than the average person. I mean he practically had a nervous breakdown when he got a nosebleed, because he'd never had one before. He's very funny, and very sweet, and if you haven't picked it up yet, I fancy the pants off him.
PEACE!
Monday, 8 November 2010
Sums
Well, it has been a while. I know the last time |I blogged it was filled with promises of regular posts and updates... Well...
To be fair, I only recently got my internet sorted. Although at the moment i'm actually sitting in Birmingham University Library waiting for Jo to come out of her seminar. Oh yeah, that's another thing; I've stopped 'censoring' names now, just think it's a bit pointless is all.
Anyway, been at University for about five or six weeks now, and I can honestly say they've been some of the best times of my life. I was unspeakably nervous when we were driving up to Coventry. I can't really pin point why, generally worried about how my flatmates were going to turn out, whether I'd be able to cope cooking and navigating by myself. My Dad started blubbing when he finally said goodbye, and I ended up styuffing him out the door and down the stairs whilst trying to maintain my sympathy. He called later and asked what I was going to have for tea. I said probably pasta and he started crying again.
The first person I met properly was Taijal. We instanly got on really well, and had a long getting-to-know-each-other chat before she had to leave to meet with her boyfriend. She's very small, and very pretty. Her Mum has no idea that she has a boyfriend of nearly a year, because shes hindu. Apparently they frown upon realtionships unless they're sure they're going to marry.
Andrew was the nest person I met. My first impression was basically just a normal bloke, he seemed polite and friendly. I was wrong. He is probably one of the most excitable people I have ever met. He literally has no chilled mode, he's constanly jumping about or singing or offering me 'sexual favours'. Most of the time I politely decline. Most of the time.
In all seriousness, he has a girlfriend and he is definitely not my type.
My last flatmate is Joe. This is quite an amusing story, because we oringinally thought it was just going to be us three after we were informed that the fourth person had pulled out at the last minute. Room D became the mystery room, we always used to knock on it just to see if anyone was in there. One night we came back from the Freshers bar crawl and could smell somethintg in the flat, it smelt like faint cigarette smoke, but we had no idea how it could've got there as we're in a non-smoking flat. We knocked on Room D for a few minutes, but there was no answer.
the next morning as we were about to leave for an induction lecture, Taijal knocked on the door of room D with her umbrella. She giggled, no one expected any answer, it was quite literally for the lols. However suddenly the door swung open and Joe was standing there with a slightly belwildered expression. probably because all three of us were standing in front of him gawping and pointing.
The flat below ours has six people living in it. I'll blog about them another time, because this is already getting a bit long. All I'll say is, they are some pretty awesome people, and I can't believe my luck that I've met them. We get along very well, and are constatnly in and out of each other's flats. most of the time if we don't feel like going out, we all grab our duvets and lug them downstairs (they have more sofas) then snuggle up in our PJs and watch DVDs.
Life here has been pretty hectic. I can barely remember Fresher's week (apart from the Foam party. A painfully vivid memory [pah ha inside joke]) but nights out here are always great, my favourite so far has deiniftely been Hallowe'en night. It was just too epic.
Something else that has surprised me is that I never miss home. I went back a few weeks ago, and apart from catching up with friends, I was mercilessly bored. Also, somethings at home I feel I should probably just let go of, even if I don't particularly want to. I found myself missing Uni when I was home. Even now I miss my flatmates, and I've only been away for about twenty hours. Bizarre!
So there you go, if you've read this far very well done, gold star for you. But as luck has it, I have to go meet Jo and sort out train tickets for Coventry. At the moment I'm visiting her, and I managed to persuade her to come back to Cov to meet everyone.
I will strive to be a better blogger, peace out and all that!
To be fair, I only recently got my internet sorted. Although at the moment i'm actually sitting in Birmingham University Library waiting for Jo to come out of her seminar. Oh yeah, that's another thing; I've stopped 'censoring' names now, just think it's a bit pointless is all.
Anyway, been at University for about five or six weeks now, and I can honestly say they've been some of the best times of my life. I was unspeakably nervous when we were driving up to Coventry. I can't really pin point why, generally worried about how my flatmates were going to turn out, whether I'd be able to cope cooking and navigating by myself. My Dad started blubbing when he finally said goodbye, and I ended up styuffing him out the door and down the stairs whilst trying to maintain my sympathy. He called later and asked what I was going to have for tea. I said probably pasta and he started crying again.
The first person I met properly was Taijal. We instanly got on really well, and had a long getting-to-know-each-other chat before she had to leave to meet with her boyfriend. She's very small, and very pretty. Her Mum has no idea that she has a boyfriend of nearly a year, because shes hindu. Apparently they frown upon realtionships unless they're sure they're going to marry.
Andrew was the nest person I met. My first impression was basically just a normal bloke, he seemed polite and friendly. I was wrong. He is probably one of the most excitable people I have ever met. He literally has no chilled mode, he's constanly jumping about or singing or offering me 'sexual favours'. Most of the time I politely decline. Most of the time.
In all seriousness, he has a girlfriend and he is definitely not my type.
My last flatmate is Joe. This is quite an amusing story, because we oringinally thought it was just going to be us three after we were informed that the fourth person had pulled out at the last minute. Room D became the mystery room, we always used to knock on it just to see if anyone was in there. One night we came back from the Freshers bar crawl and could smell somethintg in the flat, it smelt like faint cigarette smoke, but we had no idea how it could've got there as we're in a non-smoking flat. We knocked on Room D for a few minutes, but there was no answer.
the next morning as we were about to leave for an induction lecture, Taijal knocked on the door of room D with her umbrella. She giggled, no one expected any answer, it was quite literally for the lols. However suddenly the door swung open and Joe was standing there with a slightly belwildered expression. probably because all three of us were standing in front of him gawping and pointing.
The flat below ours has six people living in it. I'll blog about them another time, because this is already getting a bit long. All I'll say is, they are some pretty awesome people, and I can't believe my luck that I've met them. We get along very well, and are constatnly in and out of each other's flats. most of the time if we don't feel like going out, we all grab our duvets and lug them downstairs (they have more sofas) then snuggle up in our PJs and watch DVDs.
Life here has been pretty hectic. I can barely remember Fresher's week (apart from the Foam party. A painfully vivid memory [pah ha inside joke]) but nights out here are always great, my favourite so far has deiniftely been Hallowe'en night. It was just too epic.
Something else that has surprised me is that I never miss home. I went back a few weeks ago, and apart from catching up with friends, I was mercilessly bored. Also, somethings at home I feel I should probably just let go of, even if I don't particularly want to. I found myself missing Uni when I was home. Even now I miss my flatmates, and I've only been away for about twenty hours. Bizarre!
So there you go, if you've read this far very well done, gold star for you. But as luck has it, I have to go meet Jo and sort out train tickets for Coventry. At the moment I'm visiting her, and I managed to persuade her to come back to Cov to meet everyone.
I will strive to be a better blogger, peace out and all that!
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
A Curious Incident...
The last time I saw them was yesterday 'morning' (at about eleven thirty) when I was having my breakfast.
Today when I woke up and went downstairs, I opened the kitchen cupboard to find that they had mysteriously disappeared. Funnily enough, I thought it was odd, but dismissed it as a human error. After all, I had thought that they were full the last time I checked, but maybe I had been wrong.
A few hours later I went downstairs into the kitchen again to make lunch. My Step-mum was sitting at the table eating a banana. Immediately she asked me:
'Do you know where the Jaffa Cakes have gone?'
I told her that I didn't and that the same thought had been going through my head since yesterday morning when I'd last seen them, when there had appeared to be a full box, and about the mysterious disappearance this morning.
I could tell she didn't believe me. We discussed some pretty feeble theories.
'Maybe Dad took them to work?' (a whole box of Jaffa Cakes to work? Unlikely)
'Maybe your sister took them? Does she having cooking today?' (Woman, please. Do you hear yourself? Why the fuck would you need Jaffa Cakes for cooking?!)
'Do you think the dogs could have got at them?' (of course, if they had somehow learnt how to open the cupboard, reach in and grab the box without disturbing anything else, open the box, snaffle the Jaffas [and nothing else] and dispose of the evidence without anybody noticing the whole bizarre ordeal then yes, that is entirely plausible. You know, it's no wonder you're an estate agent)
I will of course be reporting back once I know more on the subject. But the whole thing is toeing that interesting and incredibly fine line of amusing and unspeakably horrifying.
Today when I woke up and went downstairs, I opened the kitchen cupboard to find that they had mysteriously disappeared. Funnily enough, I thought it was odd, but dismissed it as a human error. After all, I had thought that they were full the last time I checked, but maybe I had been wrong.
A few hours later I went downstairs into the kitchen again to make lunch. My Step-mum was sitting at the table eating a banana. Immediately she asked me:
'Do you know where the Jaffa Cakes have gone?'
I told her that I didn't and that the same thought had been going through my head since yesterday morning when I'd last seen them, when there had appeared to be a full box, and about the mysterious disappearance this morning.
I could tell she didn't believe me. We discussed some pretty feeble theories.
'Maybe Dad took them to work?' (a whole box of Jaffa Cakes to work? Unlikely)
'Maybe your sister took them? Does she having cooking today?' (Woman, please. Do you hear yourself? Why the fuck would you need Jaffa Cakes for cooking?!)
'Do you think the dogs could have got at them?' (of course, if they had somehow learnt how to open the cupboard, reach in and grab the box without disturbing anything else, open the box, snaffle the Jaffas [and nothing else] and dispose of the evidence without anybody noticing the whole bizarre ordeal then yes, that is entirely plausible. You know, it's no wonder you're an estate agent)
I will of course be reporting back once I know more on the subject. But the whole thing is toeing that interesting and incredibly fine line of amusing and unspeakably horrifying.
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