The term 'dislike' is rather hilarious, as most of things on this list fill me with a blinding rage. Some of these things I could rant on and on about for hours, probably followed by an act of extreme violence. However, I'll try to keep it short and sweet.
1. Miley Cyrus. This. I really. Cannot. Stand. I could burn her. Me and a freind L discussed effective ways of tourture and eventual death. He had a rather nice one of sharpening her CD's and then cramming them down her throat. In my book, the only people I can forgive for liking her are 10 year olds. The rest of you, open your fucking eyes. Oh life is so hard for poor Miley, she can't decide to be rich girl or rich girl in a wig. Have you ever seen her in an interview? She's the definition of spoiled brat, trying to 'convince' us (which is actually just her grimacing at the camera, screaming American slurs and then 'giggling' which actually sounds like a drowning pigeon) to go and see her movie. Guess what it's called? 'Hannah Montana: The Movie'. Oh way to think outside the box, a movie about yourself. Who really and honestly can say that they give a shit about her life? If she becomes Miley Cyrus rather than Hannah Montana, how, exactly with that effect the world? Apart from a bunch of kids wanting brown rather than blonde hair. How can she have a sense of achievment if shes only there to entertain kids half her age, which by the way, is 16. 16 years old and she still has Daddy with his Kentucky Waterfall haircut writing her songs for her.
I did get a kick out of that interview she did about the Grammy awards. Apparently, she wanted to meet Radiohead backstage, but they wouldn't have any of that. Finally, someone taught her a lesson, I'm so glad it was Radiohead. They are now Gods. More on that in the future.
I would say she's a slut as well. But of course, she's celebate. It's a shame, because now no one can give her AIDS.
2. Censorship. This is another hate matter. It drives me to the brink of madness whenever I watch MTV these days. I remember distinctly watching MTV and Beetlebum by blur came on. I was estatic and turned up the volume, since it's so difficult to find decent music on any music channel these days. But when Alex James (my gawd he's gorgeous) goes to take a drag on his cigarette, his whole fecking hand is blurred. Is that completly necessary? I mean we're not retards, we can figure out whats he's doing. The clue? Well you see MTV, he exhaled smoke, so if we rule out the possiblilty of him being some sort of bass playing dragon, I think it's fairly obvious that he's smoking. Later on in the video, the drummer, Dave Rowntree pauses to take a sip of Coke from a can. Guess what? More blurrage (yes, I get the irony) Why? We're not going to run out and buy Coke just because blur's drummer does. If you think about it, we are more likely to notice the blurred object, rather than if they had just left it alone. What's more, MTV go beserk whenever someone takes a quick drag or drinks some coke, but swaggering about in a pair of knickers and a bra singing about sex and muffins is perfectly acceptable. Justin Timberlakes new video named 'Love Sex Magic' (or something similar) basically involves him and some skinny woman in a catsuit crawling over him. While she wags her arse in his face and wraps her tits round his legs he just completely ignores her and continues singing. So sure, censor things kids are going to witness every day of their lives, but leave the sluttish, impossibly toned twenty something to continue to embarrass the rest of the female popultaion and convince 13 year olds to do the same in their school discos.
3. Health and Safety. It's getting to the point of ridicule now. We MUST eat at least 5 portions of fruit or veg or we will get CHD and die BUT! We MUST NOT excede this too greatly otherwise we'll get acid erosion and all our teeth will fall out. The fate of H&S relies on the history of accidents. For example, some retard decides to use sissors to put on their eyeliner and they carve their eye out. By accident. So now everytime you buy a pair of sissors, they have 'Warning: Do not use to apply eyeliner' and you think, why the fuck would I do that? I'm not stupid, I know that sissors are sharp and they're for cutting things. It's kind of insulting that H&S would tihnk I'd be stupid enough to try that. My point is, our lives are controlled by the paranoia. The suspicion that the worst will always occur. Having a tan, for example, is desireable, but I recently read in a Glamour magazine: 'Tanning isn't pretty or clever', so we should just use fake tan and leave it at that. Because everyone knows that if you don't go out with sun cream, you will get skin cancer and die. You have been warned.
Wow so much for short and sweet. There is loads more, but right now I need to revse for my Biology, or at least to pretend to. Maybe I'll embed some more Likes & Dislikes in future posts. Peace out.
Sunday, 31 May 2009
Boxer Short Tenner
Good Fucking Lord
I got home yesterday at about 1:30am from my holiday and I am now blogging at NINE in the morning. This is ridiculous, plus I think I have a very tiny but very angry Miley Cyrus in my head beating the shit out of my brain. Oh well, she probably just jealous (Ow).
ANYWAY
So yah I went to Turkey. It was nice, but I'm so fucking fucked for my Biology exam tomorrow as a result of doing nothing. And no, not the pretend nothing where you've at least read through the textbook once or you kind of know what you're talking about when they ask about starch, I mean literally...nothing. Some fucking holiday that was, the brainless organsisms that I share a living space with (my parents) thought it would be a lovely idea to disrupt my revision by spending a week in a forgein country. Like I'm supposed to revise at the beach, I can barley do it with a gun to my head. Needless to say, I did nothing (literally) and all the revision I did before the holiday has emptied out of my head, so there is a lovely cooling sensation whenever a gust of wind blows into my ear.
Turkey is a mad place by the way. Go there for the lols, but don't expect to have a nice time. We went to Bodrum, which is some place where people are forced into a massive tent while other people shout things at them. It was midday when we got there and about 35 degrees C and my Dad was all "Ooh this should be fun, we can haggle! And experience some of the Turkish culture! and buy spices at low, low prices! (yay a rhyme) come on girls!" at this point I was a mushy blob on the floor and my sister wept for my severe dehydration.
I got presents for my friends you lucky, lucky swines. At low, low prices!
There was a fat bloke in there who kept shouting "boxershortboxershortboxershortboxerSHORT!" Just like that.
I feel the wrath of a million rants, but maybe later...I need some toast.
I got home yesterday at about 1:30am from my holiday and I am now blogging at NINE in the morning. This is ridiculous, plus I think I have a very tiny but very angry Miley Cyrus in my head beating the shit out of my brain. Oh well, she probably just jealous (Ow).
ANYWAY
So yah I went to Turkey. It was nice, but I'm so fucking fucked for my Biology exam tomorrow as a result of doing nothing. And no, not the pretend nothing where you've at least read through the textbook once or you kind of know what you're talking about when they ask about starch, I mean literally...nothing. Some fucking holiday that was, the brainless organsisms that I share a living space with (my parents) thought it would be a lovely idea to disrupt my revision by spending a week in a forgein country. Like I'm supposed to revise at the beach, I can barley do it with a gun to my head. Needless to say, I did nothing (literally) and all the revision I did before the holiday has emptied out of my head, so there is a lovely cooling sensation whenever a gust of wind blows into my ear.
Turkey is a mad place by the way. Go there for the lols, but don't expect to have a nice time. We went to Bodrum, which is some place where people are forced into a massive tent while other people shout things at them. It was midday when we got there and about 35 degrees C and my Dad was all "Ooh this should be fun, we can haggle! And experience some of the Turkish culture! and buy spices at low, low prices! (yay a rhyme) come on girls!" at this point I was a mushy blob on the floor and my sister wept for my severe dehydration.
I got presents for my friends you lucky, lucky swines. At low, low prices!
There was a fat bloke in there who kept shouting "boxershortboxershortboxershortboxerSHORT!" Just like that.
I feel the wrath of a million rants, but maybe later...I need some toast.
Sunday, 17 May 2009
Things I Like
1. Music. Actually, saying that I like music is a massive understatement. Music is a huge part of my life. So much that I actually judge people if they have a crap taste in music. Music is so fantastic it's hard to find a way to decribe it.
2. Rain. God I love rain. And not the shitty pretend rain like mist, I mean the hardcore, lashing on the windows rain. I like to go outside in it and just run around till I get soaking. I don't know why, but afterwards I feel like I've lived a bit more.
3. Sleepovers. They give me a warm fuzzy feeling. The best memories are created at sleepovers. Everyone gets into pyjamas, we make a fort out of pillows and sleepingbags, we eat fuck loads of chocolate and ice cream, we scare ourselves shitless watching scary movies, we share secrets, we say who we think is hot, we play the 'would you rather' game... Good times
4. Laughing. Everyone loves laughing, I love it especially.
5. Being single. Relationships make me feel suffocated. Being single is just so liberating. Some people need a relationship. These people are not independent. They need someone telling them they're pretty. I dont need that, I dont really care about people's opinions on me. Mostly because I often get called mean. If you think I'm being 'mean' to you: deal with it.
There will probably be a sequel to this. Probably titled "Things I Don't like". It might be longer. And probably more aggresive.
2. Rain. God I love rain. And not the shitty pretend rain like mist, I mean the hardcore, lashing on the windows rain. I like to go outside in it and just run around till I get soaking. I don't know why, but afterwards I feel like I've lived a bit more.
3. Sleepovers. They give me a warm fuzzy feeling. The best memories are created at sleepovers. Everyone gets into pyjamas, we make a fort out of pillows and sleepingbags, we eat fuck loads of chocolate and ice cream, we scare ourselves shitless watching scary movies, we share secrets, we say who we think is hot, we play the 'would you rather' game... Good times
4. Laughing. Everyone loves laughing, I love it especially.
5. Being single. Relationships make me feel suffocated. Being single is just so liberating. Some people need a relationship. These people are not independent. They need someone telling them they're pretty. I dont need that, I dont really care about people's opinions on me. Mostly because I often get called mean. If you think I'm being 'mean' to you: deal with it.
There will probably be a sequel to this. Probably titled "Things I Don't like". It might be longer. And probably more aggresive.
Freedom!
Huzzah! freedom from exams! (until the first of June)
So for the entire weekend I've just been rolling around listening to Radiohead and Blur... Which is pretty much what I do anyway, even when I have mountains of revision. This is probably one of the many reasons my last psychology exam went a bit shit. I got most of the definitions mixed up, and whenever I got close to a correct answer 'Karma Police' started playing in my mind. Good thing I had a hoodie on, otherwise I might have started shouting and crying.
Quite a hilarious incident occured one evening during dinner. I was innocently muching away on my sausages and assorted vegetables, when the particularily annoying woman that lives with us (call her my 'stepmother', despite the fact her and my Dad aren't actually married) suddenly decided to bring up revision. Everyone who is doing exams will know, that the single most irritating and suffocating thing a parent/guiardian can do is ask "So how's the revision going?". Because this is not a simple question that results in an answer like "Oh, pretty good" and then stops. It actually involves parent/guiardian wanting timetables and blueprints for methods of revision. Let me enlighten you on the conversation:
SM: So how's the revision going?
Me: Oh, you know, pretty good.
SM: Have you done any tonight?
Me: Yes
SM: When's your next exam?
Me: Two days
SM: So tell me, can you revise and play the guitar at the same time?
FOILED!!!
Damn those thin floors!
Her rant went on about my biology teacher calling home and saying he was "concerned" about me (probably because I've been skiving lessons. I justify this by saying that I was REVISING which I WAS...Bastard) this did not help my current situation. So I calmly finished my tea and played 'Coffee and TV' by blur in my head before stamping upstairs to play guitar again.
So for the entire weekend I've just been rolling around listening to Radiohead and Blur... Which is pretty much what I do anyway, even when I have mountains of revision. This is probably one of the many reasons my last psychology exam went a bit shit. I got most of the definitions mixed up, and whenever I got close to a correct answer 'Karma Police' started playing in my mind. Good thing I had a hoodie on, otherwise I might have started shouting and crying.
Quite a hilarious incident occured one evening during dinner. I was innocently muching away on my sausages and assorted vegetables, when the particularily annoying woman that lives with us (call her my 'stepmother', despite the fact her and my Dad aren't actually married) suddenly decided to bring up revision. Everyone who is doing exams will know, that the single most irritating and suffocating thing a parent/guiardian can do is ask "So how's the revision going?". Because this is not a simple question that results in an answer like "Oh, pretty good" and then stops. It actually involves parent/guiardian wanting timetables and blueprints for methods of revision. Let me enlighten you on the conversation:
SM: So how's the revision going?
Me: Oh, you know, pretty good.
SM: Have you done any tonight?
Me: Yes
SM: When's your next exam?
Me: Two days
SM: So tell me, can you revise and play the guitar at the same time?
FOILED!!!
Damn those thin floors!
Her rant went on about my biology teacher calling home and saying he was "concerned" about me (probably because I've been skiving lessons. I justify this by saying that I was REVISING which I WAS...Bastard) this did not help my current situation. So I calmly finished my tea and played 'Coffee and TV' by blur in my head before stamping upstairs to play guitar again.
Saturday, 16 May 2009
Rant of the Week: Smoking
Oh, how I despise being 16
Old enough to know my responsibilities, but not old enough to neglect them.
Also old enough to stagger through 3 AS-Level exams, but not old enough to drink, drive or watch decent movies. I can however, slowly infest my body with a poison that englufs your mind and enslaves your body to its putrid stench...by which I mean smoke.
Don't get me wrong, I think smoking can be incredibly sexy on the right person. If they're someone like me who can have a smoke and then not bother for 3 years before their next few, smoking can be very alluring. However, what isn't particularly attractive is waking up in the morning and immediatley hacking up bits of lung that resemble charcoal coated in phlegm.
I'm only talking about smoking as a result of my recent English Language exam, where there was a leaflet about quitting smoking. If you ask me, it is completely pointless trying to persuade people to quit smoking. If they want to quit, they can make that decision within their own minds. It's not like people are sitting around at home chain smoking thinking to themselves: "If only there were away to put a stop to this disgusting habit of mine, which as far as I know is completely harmless ...Oh well, until someone tells me what to do, I shall continue inhaling smoke until I eventually die of natural causes"
And everyone knows about the fekking NSH support. Is it really necessary to make overdramatic adverts with withered people standing on massive cigarettes? Quitting smoking isn't the same as throwing yourself off a giant metaphor. Anyway, if you want to quit smoking, why dont you stop being a pansy and just fucking do it. Jesus, talk about your external locus of control.
Old enough to know my responsibilities, but not old enough to neglect them.
Also old enough to stagger through 3 AS-Level exams, but not old enough to drink, drive or watch decent movies. I can however, slowly infest my body with a poison that englufs your mind and enslaves your body to its putrid stench...by which I mean smoke.
Don't get me wrong, I think smoking can be incredibly sexy on the right person. If they're someone like me who can have a smoke and then not bother for 3 years before their next few, smoking can be very alluring. However, what isn't particularly attractive is waking up in the morning and immediatley hacking up bits of lung that resemble charcoal coated in phlegm.
I'm only talking about smoking as a result of my recent English Language exam, where there was a leaflet about quitting smoking. If you ask me, it is completely pointless trying to persuade people to quit smoking. If they want to quit, they can make that decision within their own minds. It's not like people are sitting around at home chain smoking thinking to themselves: "If only there were away to put a stop to this disgusting habit of mine, which as far as I know is completely harmless ...Oh well, until someone tells me what to do, I shall continue inhaling smoke until I eventually die of natural causes"
And everyone knows about the fekking NSH support. Is it really necessary to make overdramatic adverts with withered people standing on massive cigarettes? Quitting smoking isn't the same as throwing yourself off a giant metaphor. Anyway, if you want to quit smoking, why dont you stop being a pansy and just fucking do it. Jesus, talk about your external locus of control.
Monday, 11 May 2009
Oh noes! A huge black space!
For some reason people think I will be filling it with hilarious, cutting remarks and colourful language. Unfortunatley, I have various AS-Level exams very soon, therefore it is safe to say my brain can't actually think of a way to finish this sentence. So for now I'll just say: if you don't want to be a conformist, aim to conform... No one does that.
For some reason people think I will be filling it with hilarious, cutting remarks and colourful language. Unfortunatley, I have various AS-Level exams very soon, therefore it is safe to say my brain can't actually think of a way to finish this sentence. So for now I'll just say: if you don't want to be a conformist, aim to conform... No one does that.
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