This Isn't Happening...

I just went for a run (again).

When I run, even though I'm concentrating on my speed and breathing, even though it's near pitch black and I have Florence + The Machine blocking out any potentail traffic hazards, my mind wanders.

I can't help it, I think about things I rarely have the time for. Mostly people and situations. I picture a person, go through my feelings for them, I wonder what we would do if I went round theirs or they came round mine. I remember something about them that makes me smile. I imagine what it would be like to be them, I wonder what they really think of me.

Today on my run I had my mind set on a particular person. I do not want to think about this person. Mostly because I have been thinking about this person all day. I think about this person every day. I find it hard to talk about them. But I find it hard not to talk about them. It baffles me how fond I am of this person, because I've never really spoken to this person outside of the virtual world.

In the rare moments that I see this person, I feel happy, like there's a chance. I watch their behaviour and come to a conclusion. Then later I dismiss that conclusion due to over-analysing their behaviour. Due to the current circumstances, logic says I should forget about this person. But I was never really a logical person.

This isn't happening....

I have a crush on him.








How fucking pathetic.