another spider family ripped apart...

So, I was in my bedroom, and I thought I would have a nice warm shower before snuggling into bed.

So ho ho, sneaky sneaky little mousey, grabby towely, quietly quietly, little mousey girl opening little doorsies.

'OHMYDAYS YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT IS TOTALLY FREAKING GOING ON'

I opened my bedroom door and my sister was standing there in her jammies hopping about like some sort of complete twat. As you may have guessed, she had spotted a spider the size of a grapefruit on the landing.

This obviously meant fifteen minutes of dithering about with cardboard tubes. My sister likes to play a game called 'see how close you can tip-toe towards the spider before you have a complete ditherspaz and do an impression of a hummingbird'.

EVENTUALLY she had a complete spaz attack and threw one of the tubes at the poor spider before mashing it to death and then beating its corpse 'just to make sure'.

By this time I had locked myself in the bathroom, and when I came out the spider was gone and my sister was sitting bolt upright in her bed pretending to read a magazine.

That poor, poor spider. So young (possibly) and the death (brutal murder) came as such a shock, and so close to Christmas.

Still, at least it can't crawl across my face in the middle of the night now.
Unless all of it's spider chums want revenge...

... Oh God.

Chrimbo High!

Christmas!!

I love it.

Sadly for me, a lot of my friends are being a bunch of Scrooges. So I'm all like 'well SCREW YOU I'll keep your Christmas present' and suddenly it's all 'Oh er well, you know... It's not that I'm against Christmas or anything, and, I like presents...'

Bua ha ha just wait until they find out that I actually got them socks for presents.

I gave out all my Christmas cards today. And I bought some emergency ones. Which turned out to be very useful. Also, I only gave a card to ONE GUY because he is the SWEETEST GUY EVAR. So otherwise, I don't give cards to guys. I stopped in like, year 8 or something. I'm not sure why, perhaps it's the crippling rejection. So you can stop blubbering now. But if you didn't get one, you are incidentally missing out, because as Sara will tell you, I give excellent Christmas Cards.

This is because I never just write 'To Jeff, From Me.' I mean seriously. What.

Unfortunately, I get loads of them. Just 'To you, from whoever' ones. And then when I've finished reading it, they give me this massive grin like 'I really mean that'. Yes, that is so emotional and heartfelt. I can see how long that must have taken you to think of.

YOU CHIMP.

Today in the Corridor/sixth form work/chat area, I accidentally brushed my shoe against one of the purple chairs just as KAM walked past. Oh dear, I seemed to have left a microscopic bit of dust on the chair. How completely wretched of me. Yes, she went a teeny bit mental at me.

But whatever, I literally brushed it off. There, look Mrs Crazy, it's all gone now. Oh no, there seems to be a tiny bit left, could I possibly borrow your novelty wig to dust it off? etc etc.

Oh my stars it is totally going to snow tonight.
And if it doesn't, I will kill everyone who told me that it would.

I am super cereal.

>:c

God.
I hate my Dad. HATE HIM.

(sometimes)

Now I have to get into Uni, so I can get some fucking peace.

I'd dream-tap that

Oh God.

Last night I had dream that involved these two:

I know right.
Being that gorgeous should not be allowed. One day I know that I will be daydreaming about those two idiots when I really should be paying attention to some very important information and I will inevitably end up killing us all. Or at the very least myself. Which is just as bad.

Shall I put this into perspective?

The guy on the left is like my version of Edward Cullen. And the guy on the right is my version of Jacob Black. There is no favourite, they are like cheese and crackers.

OMG! Oh, no it's okay. I thought I saw a spider but it was actually just a rubber band. Yes, the spiders have made a fiery comeback in the form of a large-ish sized one next to the sink. Luckily it was my sister who saw it first, and she came stampeding out of the bathroom practically tripping over the carpet.

So anyway in the dream while we were all getting 'better acquainted' my Dad walks in. I was like Dad, what the bloody fuck are you doing. Thankfully he left after about forty million years of 'where are my keys, where the bloody hell are my shitting KEYS?!' So, not unlike reality really.

In conclusion, this dream kicks that-dream-I-had-about-Radiohead's arse.

You know what really grates my cheese...

Right now I am sitting on my bed pretending to do my Psychology homework.
I just got a text.
It says 'Lol drunk J text'

Isn't my life hilarious? No seriously, isn't it?

Anyway while I am sitting here (omg present tense) I am thinking about all the things that piss me off. Here is my list (in no particular order):

1. The phrase 'Lady Gaga plays piano'. How nice, Stevie Wonder has a secret hobby too: proffesional photography.
2. Adverts that try to be smart like 'why get something like a blabla when you can get a blabla?' Because Mr Smarty Man I don't want a 'blabla' I want a BLABLA!!!
3. Speaking of adverts, that Tescos advert about that married couple and their lovely life. Why is that man with that woman? She is not unattractive and he looks like a potato.
4. People who are like 'Oh no, I don't eat fish' or 'Oh I left my carrots because they make me sick'. Just shut up and eat your fucking carrots bitch.
5. People who don't drink, and then look at you like you've just licked a frog when you do.
6. When you see a really beautiful piece of art and when you show the art to someone else, they give a really retarded comment like, 'lol I can see that lady's boobie'.
7. When old relatives come over and they insist on asking you about universities and A-Levels. And nothing else.
8. However, I do like the number 8. Look at it. It's all squishy and cuddly.
9. Twilight fans. I mean the obsessive ones. The ones who would kiss a frosted windshield to see what it would be like to kiss Edward Cullen. If you want to know what kissing Edward Cullen is like, you should probably kiss a deep-frozen salmon.
10. People who, when you are first introduced to them, say 'Hello, I am Damien, and I'm a gay'. First off, you're not a gay, you are gay. Second, I don't give a shit.

Now excuse me while I go and bang my head against a wall for half an hour.
Peace and blessins.