'Do you think we're allowed to eat those sausages yet?'

OK....

So on Saturday, I went to this party.

That is pretty much all I can remember.

No, no of course not.

It was a surprise party for my friend's friend, neither me or J had any idea who she was, but we got to know her as the evening progressed and she turned out to be very lovely.

I think I'll rewind to the very start...
I got to J's at sixish with all my stuff. I tried to be nice to her very enthusiastic dogs who were jumping up at me. (Screw you dog, if you put a hole in these tights I will have to blind you with my mascara brush.)

J greeted me with, 'hi, you look cute... By which I which I mean slammin' (this is why I luff her) Then after a bit of ...

'Oooh try the Apple Sourz its lurvely, tastes like Hubba Bubba'
'I would if they hadn't spelt 'Sourz' with a 'z''
'Oh no dude we are wearing THE SAME SHIRT'
'Wow, awkward'

We finally left for the partay. It was a bit of a trek actually, we had to get a bus, and then walk for miles and miles (when you're in heels, one mile can be deferred to as 100 metres) and it incidentally, fucking freezing.

When we finally got there, there were A LOT of girls (and a lot of really nice shoes) a few boys and some old people. No, I don't know either. There was also a great abundance of sausages and cakes, as well as party poppers. It was actually smaller than I'd imagined, but still nice* and there was plenty of room to dance.
We did the hole 'SHH FUCKS SAKES SHE'S COMING SHUT UP' for about 15 minutes before she actually arrived. Then it was all socialising and drinks 'oooh I love your dress', 'oooh I love your shoes' etc (that is how girls meet other girls). I made a lot of facebook friends and people kept offering me various drinks, which I accepted because, you know, I didn't want to be rude and all that shit. In fact, I got so drunk I actually requested 'Just Dance' by Lady Gaga. I know right. I'm so embarrassed. I don't think it really matters anyway because you can't exactly jump around to Radiohead.

It was a very good night, and we stumbled back to our friend's house at about midnight. Where we opened a bottle of wkd, Vodka Schnapps and Smirnoff and watched Madagascar 2.

I woke up in the moring wearing someone elses T-Shirt and tights. Yup. Nope. I have no idea.
We then got dressed and watched 'Takeshi's Castle' which I have never watched before. Turns out it's the most hilarious thing ever. And not just on TV.

I am now quite confident that I can't drink half a bottle of three seperate drinks and maintain my dignity.
I am also quite confident that I called just about everyone in my phonebook, and also texted some people... Unfortunately my phone likes to delete all my sent items, so I have no idea who I sent what.

But if you do have a missed call or a text from me, just shake your head and delete it.

(*That's what she said)

hey... hey you...

Who's up for going to the cinema on Friday?
Bring a teddy or something, because we're seeing Paranormal Activity.
If you want to go, just msn me for important things like time etc I have no patience for you and your ridiculous demands.

In other news, today me and my sister took the dogs out for a walk.
I wanted to get muddy so we went to the fields and jumped in some puddles etc.
Then, on a particularly steep part, my sister literally got stuck in the mud. I had to stagger about twenty feet through extremely thick mud to pull her out.

Also for some reason, on the way back home, there was an abundance of tractors and once again, my sister was lagging behind with Skye (the dog you fools). Suddenly a tractor pulled out and started 'chasing' her down the road. I heard her screaming hysterically and turned to see her sprinting wildly down the road with a tractor in close pursuit.

I wanted to tell her to stop being so hilariously stupid but I was too busy choking with laughter.
At one point Skye went gallivanting off to the hills and we couldn't find her. So we both started howling like wolves and she came rocketing back at full speed with her tongue practically smacking her in the face.

Fianlly- Saboo, there will be no top 15 Blink 182 list. Because they suck.
xxx

What the ELL?!

Omg what the eff is with all these effing spiders???
For the love of John Simm! (who is coming back to Doctor Who at Christmas [I love him])
Just now, I turned around while I was in the bathroom to pick up my T-Shirt and there was a ginormous crooked spider sprawled along the skirting board.

So for some reason I started humming 'Space Oddity' by Bowie before slowly backing out of the room.

Then I ran off to tell my sister who grabbed one of the many cardboard tubes she keeps in her room for some reason and smushed it to death (I still hummed 'Space Oddity').

It took her a few goes to get it, because she refused to actually step in the room. You know, in case it charged at her and wrestled her to the ground. I was watching from a safe distance and mostly heard exclamations such as 'God *thump* shit, shit *thump* fucking die! *thump thump thump thump* erugh .....................*thump*'

She put a little cardboard box thing over it because it had died in a really twisted position and it was a bit gooey, so neither of us felt like picking it up.

I hope my step mum picks up the box and finds it. That'll learn her for being so short and annoying.

shit happens. but karma will repay you.

I think... The universe hates me.

Yesterday the weather was completely appalling. Forty five degree slants of rain, howling winds, trees practically a health hazard due to their flapping and creaking.

So yah, I went running.

Well, usually I really love running in the rain. I'm not sure why, it's some sort of drive I suppose. But yesterday I got absoloutley drenched, I mean entirely, there was not a single patch on me that wasn't dripping. And to complement Sara's recent blog, I was not wet in the sexy way. I was only wearing a T-shirt, because I thought if I wore a hoodie it would end up feeling like I was wearing chain mail. I got that part right I suppose (but it did go 'slightly' transparent [purple bras ftw!]).

I think I did two or three miles. It's hard to tell, the whole thing was a bit of a blur really. To top it all off when I came crashing through the front door, my Dad started blabbing on about my UCAS application. So I scrambled up the stairs only to find that my sister was in the bath (at 4:30pm?!) and when she finally got out, she has used up all the hot water.

But then I found forty quid in my jeans. It just like Julie Andrews said: 'when the dog bites, when the bees stings- I suddenly remember that I have dosh and things don't seem quite so shit.'

Or however she put it.

Sara and J will get this.

Today, I was working on the till at work.
I asked a man if he wanted a bag for his shopping, to which he replied:

'Oh yes, yessiree'.

Oh.

My.

God.

*Asterix*

Mmmmm I just had a shower.
Now I feel all warm and fuzzy and happy.

lol I love you guys (no, I'm not drunk *trips over ipod*).

When I got out the shower, I looked down and nearly slipped over because I thought I saw a spider on my tummy. But it was my belly button ring. Pffff.

Also, today I ate a banana for the first time in weeks. Oh yum I forgot how nice they are. I'm going to put one in my lunchbox tomorrow. That's right you heard me, I dream big.

Hopefully for the half term coming up (again *mirror five*) there will be more social gatherings. Which will be splendiferous if more than half of those invited bother to show up. But maybe this time, I won't get quite as 'bungalowed' as I did at J's.

Now leave me alone while I go and draw more Johnny Greenwoods.
(Ooh spellcheck... And only six spelling mistakes! *guitar solo*)

ANNIE GET YER GUN!

ohmygod

ohmygodohmygod

There is a spider roughly the size of a kitten right outside my door. I saw it when I opened my door to go downstairs for tea. There it was just bunched up along the skirting board.

I managed to shuffle past it before squealing and legging it down the stairs. Pathetic, I know but I am a serious arachnophobic. I mean seriously. Even the word SPIDER creeps me out.

It is still outside.

some sort of title.

So, get a tent and fill it with alcohol.

That is roughly how much I drank last night.

It was definatly probably worth it.

Anyway when I woke up it was the most disgusting day ever, but once again I escaped the hangover. So I'm actually fine apart from being amazingly tired.
Also, I have come to find that whenever my Dad picks me up from a particularly trying sleepover he likes to take me shopping in Waitrose. He drove to Waitrose, dragged me inside and as he was putting bottles of something into the trolley he realised he'd forgotten his wallet.

'Luckily' I had money with me so I spent the better part of £40 on bread and ham and other pointless things.

My Dad was in a very strange mood. He said it was because he was overtired. While we were driving back to Pewsey, his shoes made a 'hilarious' squeaking noise on the brake pedal because they were wet.

He said it was like there was a tiny squeaky animal under the pedal and then laughed and punched my arm and then nearly killed us when he flinched at a leaf hitting the windshield.

He asked me if I had fun at J's. I have no idea. People keep telling me things I did but it's like they're telling me a story from someone else's life.

I said 'Yeah it was fun', then he launched into a lecture about universities and how I wear too much eyeliner and how I'll never get a boyfriend if I always look like a panda (I think pandas are cute).

I said 'Sara and SMBx are back together' and he said 'WHAT?! When did this happen?' and I said 'well me and Sara tried it on and SMBx realised how jealous she was thus realising what a good couple they are'.

The car swerved a considerable amount at this point.