Darling Sister.

My sister just touched her nose with her tongue, sniffed and said:
'Mmm smells good! But that's probably because I chew clean towels all day'

What.

I think she is a very special person. She has an alter-ego called 'Dawag', who has an alter-ego called 'Kittay'.

Dawag doesn't bother me too much, but Kittay is a bit different.

Kittay comes out when she is angry. Kittay screams a lot. The other day Kittay was getting very upset and said the only way to get her to stop shouting was for me to pour her a glass of Coke.

Okay she just informed me that Kittay has an alter-ego called 'Gay Bird'. I think I'd better go.

short.

I have recently taken to doing the exact opposite of what my step mum expects of me.
For example, a few weeks ago on a school morning, I was minding my own business eating my cereal, and she reaches over and pulls up my top.

I'm guessing that was her way of saying I was showing too much cleavage?

So I basically went straight upstairs and put on a push-up bra.

And today, I came upstairs to find her dusting my room. I went in to put some socks away and she said 'I'm just dusting what I can'. I guess that meant she was attempting to dust lovingly for me, but couldn't get to some surfaces because my room was a TIP.

WELL IT WASN'T.

So I just dropped my socks on the floor and walked out.

Texts From Last Night

textsfromlastnight.com
When you're bored, go there. Here are a few samples:

(219): She said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'.

(484): I'm guessing you're the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster.

(650): Last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'

(516): I can't remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.

(218): Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments.
(1-218): You know how I know you're gay?

(630): When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID, just muffins.

(402): She broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics.
(1-402): You deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.

(617): Shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick.

(303): Who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make.

You can't make that shit up.

Is it too early to say I less-than-three you?

This is just a short blog to acknowledge the fact that it's Valentine's Day.

I spent most of it with the only two men that really know how to make a woman feel good: Ben & Jerry.

Also watched a lot of Disney films including Pinocchio. I didn't remember that movie being quite so fucked up when I was a kid...

Will post a future blog on chat up lines that would work on me.

Have also come to the conclusion that I would actually rather go out with someone who asked me to be their pancake on Pancake Day, rather than their valentine on Valentine's Day.





It's Pancake Day eve, eve.
Oh my God shit just got real.

educate your artistic critique!

Here are some of my favourite pieces from deviantart.com(in random order).
If you click on any of them, remember to click on the picture again to make it full size!
There are waaaay more but the list was getting too long.

I am, however, exceedingly fond of the first one...
But I don't know why...

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
i wonder what they were talking about?
it's like what happens in life
fire escape
the ultimate ninja showdown
fred is out of the jar
fuck the usa
what an unusual combination of attributes
it makes my ankles hurt to look!

aaaaand one for the boys/lesbians

love love! x

'Wait a minute... This isn't a silly straw?'

That's what she said.

Last nights party was pretty cool. I'm not talking about the cowboy and Indians one which everyone else went to, I went to another friends 18th (she invited me first).

I went round J's to get ready as per usual. It was a bit of a challenge trying to be a good friend and give fashion advice whilst also trying not poke my eye out with an eyeliner pencil. I went for black with a hint of black, while J settled for the more contemporary (but equally gorgeous) green with a hint of black and gold. When we were finally finished beautifying (it takes a while) we ate some bread and Jammy Dodgers. Because obviously you should never drink on an empty stomach.

When we arrived at the venue, or house, there was also pizza and a lot of alcohol, the majority being alcopops. We ate a couple slices of pizza just to be super safe and sensible, then drank Bacardi breezers through silly straws.

At this time it was about 8:30pm, and we were at the perfect amount of drunkenness: when you can still form coherent sentences, but you love everyone and everything is hilarious.
Soon we decided to set off for Swindon (we were in Highworth) we all walked off giggling madly to the bus stop, before realising we were about twenty minutes early for our bus. I didn't think we minded much, I distinctly remember having a conversation on the correct pronunciation of 'startlingly' (start-er-ling-ly or 'start-ly'?). Eventually the bus turned up and we all sat at the back shouting and singing like mad hobos, one of the girls had a bottle of Chardonnay that she kept passing around. Then she played '5 Years Time' by Noah and the Whale on her phone :)

We wondered around Swindon town center for a bit before realising that every club or bar was infested with bouncers in fluorescent jackets. We kept passing policemen strolling around in pointy hats, and J nearly asked one if she could go to the loo in his hat, because clearly she was pregnant and desperate.

Luckily my frenzied shushing convinced her that this probably wasn't the best time for us to be drawing attention to ourselves, seeing as some of our party weren't even 18 (me included) so she settle for a nod and a dignified 'evening officer'.

After this we trundled up a massive hill to reach Old Town. We found a pub which apparently never IDed anyone so settled for there. Incidentally there was a 'bouncer' (just a really tall bloke in a jumper) who asked us for ID but we just waited for him to leave and then snuck in. I ended up only buying myself one shot because everyone else kept buying me drinks.

Then, me, J and two other girls decided to make it interesting. We played a game to see who could pull first ('pull' meaning make out with) then a lovely game called 'pull the pig' (I'm guessing you can decipher that for yourselves). We did a couple more shots and then swaggered (alluringly) to the back of the pub where there were about 12 guys playing Poole. Most of them were reasonable looking, and certainly intrigued by our presence. I had decided who I wanted to pull within the first 10 seconds. He was paying pretty much no attention to me, but I generally liked the look of him. He looked quieter than the others, who were already eyeing up the two blond girls.

The guy I liked was called Sam, and he was nice. I actually managed to have a conversation with him without him calling me 'babes', 'darlin' or 'love' and without him grabbing any parts of my anatomy that were covered by underwear. We mostly talked about music amongst other things, he has a good taste and was funny. During our conversation, we were interrupted by J walking over to us with some guys hat on. She said 'look at my hat, it's Dave's, I can tell he's cool because he left the label on'.

Incidentally, I didn't win, but I ended up not having to play the pig-pulling game because I was chatting with Sam. Of course, things got a bit flirty towards the end of the night. The birthday girl said the taxi would come at 12:30am. I gave Sam a quick kiss and went outside with the others. He came outside to join us and asked me not to go, I told him no woman in their right mind would stay with a strange man they'd just met in a pub after midnight, especially one that drinks and smokes.
He said 'But you were drinking', I said 'yes, can I have a cigarette?'.

We swapped numbers and the taxi arrived, I 'pulled' him properly (lol) and then we all went home and watched Madagascar 2.

So all-in-all, a pretty decent night.

Sounds wkd!

5 Years Time by Noah and the Whale.

Makes me very happy.

I am in a really good mood right now, and for once I know why:

1. Skins is back

2. I'm going out to a friend's 18th tomorrow

3. I've got two offers

4. I have a lava lamp that is better than TV

5. I just had pizza
6. Soon I know it will be summer

Today the sun came out properly for the first time in a ridiculously long time. I got flashbacks from last year when we all used to hang out in the Priory drinking 55p lemonade and playing tag. I really miss just being about to go out in jeans and a tee without worrying about how many layers you might need, or whether you should wear the shoes without holes today.

Either way, I'm getting some sun this year: I'm either going to the south of France or Lanzarote in August after my 18th.

Today, apparently some 'politician-y' lady came in to have a little chat with some of the school's more intellectual students. I'm sure most of you read what happened in SBHx's blog.

She was a bit of a wanker.

A bit arrogant and aloof, and ever so slightly controversial.

A bit like Sarah Palin with her Creationist views blabbering on about how the polar bears will be fine because they'll adapt (synonym: evolve [evolutionary theory? Fail?]). Anyway, her speech patterns sounded about as relevant as:

Yeah.

I really can't stand people thinking they're intelligent when they're actually about as sharp as a brick. They should all be banished to Alabama.

In Psychology, we are learning about gender. One of the areas we've touched on is why men rape women. There are many totally irrelevant and inappropriate theories, one being that men do it because they are unable to 'maintain their status' (unable to pull) so they jump on any reasonably attractive and young woman in order to 'ensure reproductive success' (get her pregnant).

Excuse me? Since when do men engage in casual sex for baby making? Are they even aware that sex can result in babies? A majority of the male population need to be trapped inside a marriage before they'll even contemplate having children. I doubt rape is a get out of jail card from their genetic dead end.

And isn't ironic how most men won't even look twice at girls in bars unless they're shoe-horned into a tiny skirt with liberal amounts of cleavage on show? It's a delicate balance, I'm telling you. Tomorrow night, for example, I'll probably* wear heels and a relatively short skirt, however there will be NO cleavage. I'm going to be practically strapping them down*.

None. It's a bloody honey trap. And once you accidentally reel them in, there is no escape.

Next thing you know....

You're Facebook friends.

*(Definitely)

**(Do you guys have any idea how lucky you are? Ever tried running up stairs with boobs and no bra? Didn't think so.)